A group was talking this morning about the over-use of Thank Yous and kudos in everyday life and comparing that to the corporate world. We hire a new employee and everytime they get the hang of a portion of their job, they get kudos, congrats, etc. This may go on for a couple months until they get settled in. Then what happens? Well, they are performing as expected so they don't get praised as much. How does this feel? Having been there, it is like you are doing things wrong now - where you would have previously gotten a "good job" you now get silence.
This post isn't about work, it's about relationships. That long paragraph above was to set the background for this short one:
In relationships, like work, at the beginning we shower the other person with praise and compliments. This feels great! It is, however, unsustainable. So, after awhile, they start to go away, only the feelings left behind in their absense are more intense as the situation is much more personal.
As if this weren't bad enough, it gets to the point that when your significant other does something you don't like, you start witholding the good stuff!! This is dangerous because unlike the first example, this is Personal, not business...
1 comment:
Well, I wouldn't have said it quite that way. The bottom line is that "being in love" is a temporary feeling for most of us, while loving someone is (hopefully) not. It is unfortunate that the English language only gives us one word for both ideas and thus we have confusion.
I think we all know that being in love with someone is not the same as loving them. Further, if we listed the people we loved, it is very likely that we'd find that our relationships with such people are long in coming and full of reciprocity. On the other hand, we have all been "in love" with someone who didn't even know we existed.
Bottom line, screw pop culture. Being in love takes little effort and offers far more than it asks...which should make you wonder in the first place. Loving someone takes all your effort and, at times , seems to ask more than it offers.
I love my wife...very much. It is pleasant to say that I am "in love" with her, but I doubt I truly consider those words when I say them. Our relationship is fundamentally different than it was 8 or 10 years ago...and thank God for huge favors. No one should have to put up with the Mike of 1997-1999. No one.
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