So it begins

Yes, a new year has started, and if it is anything like the last one, it should be quite a ride...

I personaly hate new years' resolutions. It's the whole fad thing - If "everyone" is doing something, that is more motivation for me to not do that thing. I have noticed, however, that it is this time of year that I tend to start my workout programs. I don't know if it is a subconscious acquiescence to the resolution bandwagon or because I get so completely disgusted with myself I am not sure. The last time was right after I moved up here. I had just gotten out of the Navy after being on medical hold and convalescent leave and had consequently gained huge amounts of weight. the job I had at the time offered free memberships to the MAC, so I started my membership and hit the gym in January, 2004. My initial weight in put me at 298. Working on my own with fluctuating motivation got me down to 236 by May when I got weighed in at MEPS for the Navy Reserves.

I maintained that weight for a decent amount of time, then started dating Hillerie, maintained more as we both were actively working out, and then over the last year or so started going down hill. By the time I left her I was back in the 290's. I hit the gym pretty heavily for a few months and got myself back down to 280, and that is where I have been for the last couple months, as those who have been reading my blog know.

Well, again, I am sick of myself. I now have a membership at Aspen, which I was initially leary of but turns out to be a very nice gym. They offer free classes to members and I plan on getting in to them. At some point I will be taking advantage of a personal trainer but at this moment it is not financially feasable. One thing that I really like is they offer Tae Kwon Do classes twice a week which I can participate in as much as I want for $20 a month. I have been wanting to take martial arts for years now, but between procrastination and finding a class I would be able to attend regularly I have been putting it off. The style I would really like to learn is Tai Chi, but the only class for this I have been able to find is during the day at the YMCA, so that won't be happening for a while.

Anyway, I spoke with the manager at Aspen last night and have set an initial personal goal of 240 by the end of April. At 10 pounds a month this should be quite attainable. I will be having by BMI evaluated tonight and will see what is in store for me!

Finally letting go

I don't know why I have been thinking about my relationship with Hillerie so much. There is no reason to, it was a mutual decision with some extenuating circumstances, and it hadn't been going well for a while before that anyway.
So, I have decided I need to let go. I am not sure what I was holding on to anyway. Whatever it was certainly resided solely in my head, not anywhere else. I certainly feel a whole lot better all of a sudden!
I still plan to do things with Phil - pre-releases, paintball, stuff like that. He wouldn't get a chance to do that otherwise. Kinda like being a Big Brother, I suppose.
If Hillerie and I talk, fine. If not, fine as well. I have no intention of being unfreindly, there is no reason to.
I wish her the best, and always have. I hope she finds a great guy (though not too nice, cause as we know nice guys don't keep the girl!).
It feels good to cut the last, invisible chain.

Weight Update

Ok. Weight update. Last Monday I weighed in at 285. Today I am at 280. No crash diet, no radical anything. Just watching what I eat and working out more.
I like being active, but it is a constant struggle because I like activities that lend themselves to little physical activity.
Before Hillerie and I became an item, I worked out all the time because, honestly, I didn't have a whole lot else to fill my time with. So, what happened when we became serious I was able to focus more of my attention on the relationship and family. Unfortunately, I don't know how to moderate - it's all or nothing - so my workouts not only slowed, they nearly went away altogether. What little I did only served to instigate depression when it wouldn't do anything but give me a false sense of security.
With my metabolism, I can't afford a false sense of anything. It takes constant attention to keep my weight under control.
(will be continued)