Well, the title is kind of mis-leading, I just couldn't think of a one-liner for the thoughts in this post. This is more a trail of thoughts in regaurd to "leagues" when it comes to relationships - ie, "That person is out of my league."
What exactly does that mean? Is that person inherently better than you? Smarter? More attractive? More successfull? More to the point, why does it matter? If you are interested in someone, why not just take the chance that they may be interested in you? Is it that we automatically classify potential mates based on a pre-concieved set of criteria, automatically discounting anyone that doesn't match a certain set of superficial qualities?
How do we know that the woman you just snubbed because she wasn't attractive enough to deserve your attention isn't the person that you could love so deeply you couldn't imagine life without her? How about that man that has a job that is beneith your level, how do you know he isn't the kindest, gentlest, most perfect match for you?
When we do find someone that is in our league, are we just settling for something less than we want? Is that beautiful, rich couple really happy that they found each other, or are they together because they look good together and "fit" financially? Are they really happy. How about the overweight average income couple. Do they both feel like they settled for their partner because they couldn't find someone better? Or are they more happy becuase they look past physical appearance and income status to the person underneath and found there someone they could truely love?
I ask this becuase when I look around, I very seldom see attractive/unattractive, rich/poor, or similar couples. People, for the most part, find relationships in their "league" and stay there. But, are they truely happy with who they have found or is there some seed of unhappiness deep down inside that says "I couldn't do any better, so I'll live with it."
Ah well, I don't suppose that one will ever be answered, at least not honestly...
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Monday, April 6, 2009
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Love Lost
Tonight isn't a poem, nor is it a short story. I think it falls more under the catagory of "Essay." I am labelling it as a poem because that was more the intent than the other two.
From the untouchable shell of my body to the churning, confused gut, an unexpected, brave grasp on the hand starts a strained heart thudding rapidly and powerfully in a full-barrel chest, a hurting soul starts in perplexion - pulls away.
A mind, remembering, longs for that caring, soft hand in mine, knowing full well the pain that always comes in the end - not caring, not looking to the future, only craving the moments with that special other.
A hole in the middle of the body, often experiencing the happiness of being close, always knowing the explosive pain that always makes it a little deeper, a little harder to fill.
A short, sharp breath pulls the adrenaline into the blood, hsapens the pleasure senses in the body to more appreciate a warm hug that fills the mind with intense, white joy at the affection of another.
Dilated eyes drink in the beauty of the face, the curves of the body, knowing, remember intimate touches in times past, always knowing, always wishing that the emptiness, the lonelyness will be banished forever, never to lay its cold, callous fingers on my hurt, broken heart.
Too soon does the first intense love fade into pain and confusion at her withdrawl, not understanding why it's happening, what I did to cause this sudden freezing of her love, not wanting, dreading that void that will come again, doing everything to stop it from coming again.
The cold pressure of the steel tube ont he temple, the weight in the palm, the tenseness of the trigger - a sudden deafenign explosion, a flash of blinding light, a sudden unbearable pain, then nothing - no hurting ever again. Oh, the bliss of etenity - no cold uncaring people to spurn me, only a cool, soothing darkness that never ends.
I don't actually remember what situation I was thinking of when I wrote this, though I can guess. I do remember writing particular passages, which I think is a bit strange.
I am guessing that I was writing about Christy (the commentary on the poem Pride talks about her). The other possibility is Crystal. I remember writing the last paragraph and feeling a kind of release, a chill running up my spine and my face flushing. I guess it was my way of making sure I wouldn't actually do it. Not that I think I would have done so had I not written it - I just can't find any other way to describe that feeling.
The interesting thing about this piece is that even though I wrote it when I was 16(?), it does a fairly accurate description of the four major relationships I have been in during my adult years. As I was typing it in and got to the passage "Too soon does the first intense love fade into pain and confusion at her withdrawl, not understanding why it's happening, what I did to cause this sudden freezing of her love, not wanting, dreading that void that will come again" I felt the same way I have during each of my breakups - a sense of falling and spinning. Interesting that this random piece of witing from 17 years ago would still ring true...
From the untouchable shell of my body to the churning, confused gut, an unexpected, brave grasp on the hand starts a strained heart thudding rapidly and powerfully in a full-barrel chest, a hurting soul starts in perplexion - pulls away.
A mind, remembering, longs for that caring, soft hand in mine, knowing full well the pain that always comes in the end - not caring, not looking to the future, only craving the moments with that special other.
A hole in the middle of the body, often experiencing the happiness of being close, always knowing the explosive pain that always makes it a little deeper, a little harder to fill.
A short, sharp breath pulls the adrenaline into the blood, hsapens the pleasure senses in the body to more appreciate a warm hug that fills the mind with intense, white joy at the affection of another.
Dilated eyes drink in the beauty of the face, the curves of the body, knowing, remember intimate touches in times past, always knowing, always wishing that the emptiness, the lonelyness will be banished forever, never to lay its cold, callous fingers on my hurt, broken heart.
Too soon does the first intense love fade into pain and confusion at her withdrawl, not understanding why it's happening, what I did to cause this sudden freezing of her love, not wanting, dreading that void that will come again, doing everything to stop it from coming again.
The cold pressure of the steel tube ont he temple, the weight in the palm, the tenseness of the trigger - a sudden deafenign explosion, a flash of blinding light, a sudden unbearable pain, then nothing - no hurting ever again. Oh, the bliss of etenity - no cold uncaring people to spurn me, only a cool, soothing darkness that never ends.
I don't actually remember what situation I was thinking of when I wrote this, though I can guess. I do remember writing particular passages, which I think is a bit strange.
I am guessing that I was writing about Christy (the commentary on the poem Pride talks about her). The other possibility is Crystal. I remember writing the last paragraph and feeling a kind of release, a chill running up my spine and my face flushing. I guess it was my way of making sure I wouldn't actually do it. Not that I think I would have done so had I not written it - I just can't find any other way to describe that feeling.
The interesting thing about this piece is that even though I wrote it when I was 16(?), it does a fairly accurate description of the four major relationships I have been in during my adult years. As I was typing it in and got to the passage "Too soon does the first intense love fade into pain and confusion at her withdrawl, not understanding why it's happening, what I did to cause this sudden freezing of her love, not wanting, dreading that void that will come again" I felt the same way I have during each of my breakups - a sense of falling and spinning. Interesting that this random piece of witing from 17 years ago would still ring true...
Friday, September 28, 2007
Finally letting go
I don't know why I have been thinking about my relationship with Hillerie so much. There is no reason to, it was a mutual decision with some extenuating circumstances, and it hadn't been going well for a while before that anyway.
So, I have decided I need to let go. I am not sure what I was holding on to anyway. Whatever it was certainly resided solely in my head, not anywhere else. I certainly feel a whole lot better all of a sudden!
I still plan to do things with Phil - pre-releases, paintball, stuff like that. He wouldn't get a chance to do that otherwise. Kinda like being a Big Brother, I suppose.
If Hillerie and I talk, fine. If not, fine as well. I have no intention of being unfreindly, there is no reason to.
I wish her the best, and always have. I hope she finds a great guy (though not too nice, cause as we know nice guys don't keep the girl!).
It feels good to cut the last, invisible chain.
So, I have decided I need to let go. I am not sure what I was holding on to anyway. Whatever it was certainly resided solely in my head, not anywhere else. I certainly feel a whole lot better all of a sudden!
I still plan to do things with Phil - pre-releases, paintball, stuff like that. He wouldn't get a chance to do that otherwise. Kinda like being a Big Brother, I suppose.
If Hillerie and I talk, fine. If not, fine as well. I have no intention of being unfreindly, there is no reason to.
I wish her the best, and always have. I hope she finds a great guy (though not too nice, cause as we know nice guys don't keep the girl!).
It feels good to cut the last, invisible chain.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Random Thought
A group was talking this morning about the over-use of Thank Yous and kudos in everyday life and comparing that to the corporate world. We hire a new employee and everytime they get the hang of a portion of their job, they get kudos, congrats, etc. This may go on for a couple months until they get settled in. Then what happens? Well, they are performing as expected so they don't get praised as much. How does this feel? Having been there, it is like you are doing things wrong now - where you would have previously gotten a "good job" you now get silence.
This post isn't about work, it's about relationships. That long paragraph above was to set the background for this short one:
In relationships, like work, at the beginning we shower the other person with praise and compliments. This feels great! It is, however, unsustainable. So, after awhile, they start to go away, only the feelings left behind in their absense are more intense as the situation is much more personal.
As if this weren't bad enough, it gets to the point that when your significant other does something you don't like, you start witholding the good stuff!! This is dangerous because unlike the first example, this is Personal, not business...
This post isn't about work, it's about relationships. That long paragraph above was to set the background for this short one:
In relationships, like work, at the beginning we shower the other person with praise and compliments. This feels great! It is, however, unsustainable. So, after awhile, they start to go away, only the feelings left behind in their absense are more intense as the situation is much more personal.
As if this weren't bad enough, it gets to the point that when your significant other does something you don't like, you start witholding the good stuff!! This is dangerous because unlike the first example, this is Personal, not business...
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