It's not something I am used to having. Too much time. What to do with your day when you have no duties?
We were planning on working on a deck and some interior projects but that didn't pan out. We forgot to call Iowa 1 Call before diggig and the guy didn't have the trim for the windows, nor any of the linolium or surround for the bathroom. So that was a bust.
So, the rest of the day was taken up with filling back CardShark orders, getting a haircut (and flirting with the stylist - she's cute and single!), watching SuperBad, and getting my weeks shopping done.
Which leaves about 8 hours of no plans just in the afternoon! I need to learn how to get a social life!!!
This is going to be a quick week, got a secret shop to do between Monday and Wednesday, working on the house as able in the evenings, and taking Friday off for travel. Going out of town to visit a dear friend.
I am nervous about my weigh in tomorrow. I have a goal in mind - 240 to start. However, I have had that goal for a couple years now and am not a whole lot closer to reaching it. I need to set a timeline.
In preparation for National Novel Writing Month I have decided to convert to using a Dvorak keyboard. I ordered stickers to put over the keys of both my home and work keyboards. I am going to need all the speed I can get while trying to pump out 2000 words a day!
That's all the random stuff for today. Stay tuned for tonights poem revisited.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
The dusty past
Between the military, relationships, breakups, getting out of the military, more relationships, and more breakups I have moved more times than I can count. The last time I tried I came up with 11 in two years (this was between 2001 and 2003).
Through all these changes I have moved my things, culled my things, kept or tossed my things so much that there is nothing that I can point to and say that had stayed with me the entire time - with one exception.
I have managed to keep a folder of poems and short stories that I wrote over my freshman and sophmore years in high school. This one purple folder has stayed with me, alone, for the last 16 years. It is getting faded and tattered, the handwritten and typed (no computer printed pages) pages yellowing with age.
I have only shared the contents of this folder with 3 other people besides my english teacher over those two years (Mrs. Erickson in Buhl, ID, a major influence in my life-more on her later). I figure if they were important enough to me to hang on to for that long they should be shared.
I am going to start posting them here and attempt to give a brief explanation as to what was going on in my life at the time I wrote it. I make no claims as to the quality of these writings - please remember they were written by a confused and mentally messed up teenager trying to pretend to be normal and well adjusted. They served as therapy - as long as I was writing them I was not doing them. The demons were coming out.
Some are corny, some are sappy, some are dark, some are just plain stupid.
Comments are welcome.
(untitled)
Hot anger boils
away from me
like water thrown
on a white glowing furnace.
The rage glows blue
as if it were a
razor edged blade
heating in a forge.
My flesh grows orange
from the forces of
madness building in
a black glass ball
that threatens to
burst into green flaming
shards if release
is not found.
With poisonous pearl satisfaction
my fury flies
from me in great
yellow lightning bolts
to engulf my adversary
in fires burning grey
with triumph.
Mrs. E had given an assignment to write a "color poem." She gave no explanation as to what she meant, nor any expectation of style (she was wonderful that way). I remember sitting there staring off into space thinking there is no way I could come up with something off of so little instruction (I still do this today, I just realized). I don't know when I started writing or what thoughts prompted it,
I just spent about 7 minutes zoned out there...
but I do remember the landscape of the poem building in my mind line by line until the end, and I know the face of the person being hit by that lightning. Thinking about the why behind it just opens a deep, dark pit in the middle of me.
I thought I had taken care of that. Apparently not. I am not sure I should keep doing this. I am tired as I write and these memories seem to be something of a free association session and I don't like where it is going.
Through all these changes I have moved my things, culled my things, kept or tossed my things so much that there is nothing that I can point to and say that had stayed with me the entire time - with one exception.
I have managed to keep a folder of poems and short stories that I wrote over my freshman and sophmore years in high school. This one purple folder has stayed with me, alone, for the last 16 years. It is getting faded and tattered, the handwritten and typed (no computer printed pages) pages yellowing with age.
I have only shared the contents of this folder with 3 other people besides my english teacher over those two years (Mrs. Erickson in Buhl, ID, a major influence in my life-more on her later). I figure if they were important enough to me to hang on to for that long they should be shared.
I am going to start posting them here and attempt to give a brief explanation as to what was going on in my life at the time I wrote it. I make no claims as to the quality of these writings - please remember they were written by a confused and mentally messed up teenager trying to pretend to be normal and well adjusted. They served as therapy - as long as I was writing them I was not doing them. The demons were coming out.
Some are corny, some are sappy, some are dark, some are just plain stupid.
Comments are welcome.
(untitled)
Hot anger boils
away from me
like water thrown
on a white glowing furnace.
The rage glows blue
as if it were a
razor edged blade
heating in a forge.
My flesh grows orange
from the forces of
madness building in
a black glass ball
that threatens to
burst into green flaming
shards if release
is not found.
With poisonous pearl satisfaction
my fury flies
from me in great
yellow lightning bolts
to engulf my adversary
in fires burning grey
with triumph.
Mrs. E had given an assignment to write a "color poem." She gave no explanation as to what she meant, nor any expectation of style (she was wonderful that way). I remember sitting there staring off into space thinking there is no way I could come up with something off of so little instruction (I still do this today, I just realized). I don't know when I started writing or what thoughts prompted it,
I just spent about 7 minutes zoned out there...
but I do remember the landscape of the poem building in my mind line by line until the end, and I know the face of the person being hit by that lightning. Thinking about the why behind it just opens a deep, dark pit in the middle of me.
I thought I had taken care of that. Apparently not. I am not sure I should keep doing this. I am tired as I write and these memories seem to be something of a free association session and I don't like where it is going.
Playing cards
Today some of us went out to Des Moines for the pre-release event for the most recent Magic release, Lorwyn, and we had an excellent time!
We hung out all day together, played cards, walked around the skywalk, had lunch - just a fun day in general.
It has been a while since I have just enjoyed myself like that. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if our freind Dave Ladage could have joined us. Next time.
Tomorrow Mark and I start working on the deck and some interior finishing work. Looking forward to doing this again, it has been too long!
We hung out all day together, played cards, walked around the skywalk, had lunch - just a fun day in general.
It has been a while since I have just enjoyed myself like that. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if our freind Dave Ladage could have joined us. Next time.
Tomorrow Mark and I start working on the deck and some interior finishing work. Looking forward to doing this again, it has been too long!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Finally letting go
I don't know why I have been thinking about my relationship with Hillerie so much. There is no reason to, it was a mutual decision with some extenuating circumstances, and it hadn't been going well for a while before that anyway.
So, I have decided I need to let go. I am not sure what I was holding on to anyway. Whatever it was certainly resided solely in my head, not anywhere else. I certainly feel a whole lot better all of a sudden!
I still plan to do things with Phil - pre-releases, paintball, stuff like that. He wouldn't get a chance to do that otherwise. Kinda like being a Big Brother, I suppose.
If Hillerie and I talk, fine. If not, fine as well. I have no intention of being unfreindly, there is no reason to.
I wish her the best, and always have. I hope she finds a great guy (though not too nice, cause as we know nice guys don't keep the girl!).
It feels good to cut the last, invisible chain.
So, I have decided I need to let go. I am not sure what I was holding on to anyway. Whatever it was certainly resided solely in my head, not anywhere else. I certainly feel a whole lot better all of a sudden!
I still plan to do things with Phil - pre-releases, paintball, stuff like that. He wouldn't get a chance to do that otherwise. Kinda like being a Big Brother, I suppose.
If Hillerie and I talk, fine. If not, fine as well. I have no intention of being unfreindly, there is no reason to.
I wish her the best, and always have. I hope she finds a great guy (though not too nice, cause as we know nice guys don't keep the girl!).
It feels good to cut the last, invisible chain.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
All these posts
No, I am not being overly creative in a broken sort of way. I originally started this blog on myspace at www.myspace.com/more_mr_nice_guy. However, upon some questions from people I invited I found that you cannot view the blog unless you are a member of myspace.
So, I started this today and copied all my previous posts over. I plan on keeping both going as I do have readers (ok, 1 reader) over there.
Comments are welcome!
So, I started this today and copied all my previous posts over. I plan on keeping both going as I do have readers (ok, 1 reader) over there.
Comments are welcome!
e-mail address
Let this be a lesson to you! Always double-check your e-mail address when registering for a site. I typed mine as @mchis.com instead of @mchsi.com.
Now I can't seem to get it changed. I try to change it and it send the confirmation to the incorrect address. I try to contact "Help" and it says a reply will be sent to the incorrect address. No help there.
I even try to send an e-mail directly to support@myspace.com and that gets returned to me as "no such user."
Irritating...
Now I can't seem to get it changed. I try to change it and it send the confirmation to the incorrect address. I try to contact "Help" and it says a reply will be sent to the incorrect address. No help there.
I even try to send an e-mail directly to support@myspace.com and that gets returned to me as "no such user."
Irritating...
Today
Ok, that's irritating. I just lost the entire post due to an unexpected error... GRRRRRR. I guess I need to write this in UltraEdit(R) before trying to post just in case. Let's see if I can re-create it (though it feels somewhat strange to re-type it, kinda like I am repeating something I said because I feel like I am being ignored. Weird.)
I was pretty busy today, so no earth shattering thoughts to mull over. I don't know why, but some days I don't have enough work to keep me busy while others I feel swamped. The workload stays pretty much the same each day, though...
An opportunity has come up at work and I am applying for it. I feel that this is a chance to make some very possitive changes in our part of the organization. I will keep this updated with any developments in that area.
We got our first job from our ad in the phone book! We had to underbid like crazy to get it, so we won't be clearing much. Just enough to cover the cost of the ad and a bit left over. I can't complain, though, not with my call to close ration hovering at 30-1. We are doing a simple 10x10 deck and some minor interior work. But still, it's cool.
There, I retyped it. It feels kinda clunky doing it and the words don't flow as smoothly. Oh well...
I was pretty busy today, so no earth shattering thoughts to mull over. I don't know why, but some days I don't have enough work to keep me busy while others I feel swamped. The workload stays pretty much the same each day, though...
An opportunity has come up at work and I am applying for it. I feel that this is a chance to make some very possitive changes in our part of the organization. I will keep this updated with any developments in that area.
We got our first job from our ad in the phone book! We had to underbid like crazy to get it, so we won't be clearing much. Just enough to cover the cost of the ad and a bit left over. I can't complain, though, not with my call to close ration hovering at 30-1. We are doing a simple 10x10 deck and some minor interior work. But still, it's cool.
There, I retyped it. It feels kinda clunky doing it and the words don't flow as smoothly. Oh well...
Random Thought
A group was talking this morning about the over-use of Thank Yous and kudos in everyday life and comparing that to the corporate world. We hire a new employee and everytime they get the hang of a portion of their job, they get kudos, congrats, etc. This may go on for a couple months until they get settled in. Then what happens? Well, they are performing as expected so they don't get praised as much. How does this feel? Having been there, it is like you are doing things wrong now - where you would have previously gotten a "good job" you now get silence.
This post isn't about work, it's about relationships. That long paragraph above was to set the background for this short one:
In relationships, like work, at the beginning we shower the other person with praise and compliments. This feels great! It is, however, unsustainable. So, after awhile, they start to go away, only the feelings left behind in their absense are more intense as the situation is much more personal.
As if this weren't bad enough, it gets to the point that when your significant other does something you don't like, you start witholding the good stuff!! This is dangerous because unlike the first example, this is Personal, not business...
This post isn't about work, it's about relationships. That long paragraph above was to set the background for this short one:
In relationships, like work, at the beginning we shower the other person with praise and compliments. This feels great! It is, however, unsustainable. So, after awhile, they start to go away, only the feelings left behind in their absense are more intense as the situation is much more personal.
As if this weren't bad enough, it gets to the point that when your significant other does something you don't like, you start witholding the good stuff!! This is dangerous because unlike the first example, this is Personal, not business...
Weight Update continued
I need some way to balance weight maintenance and everyday life - and by that I mean the workout portion. Eating right is in itself a daily test.
Hillerie and I watched some episodes on the Discovery Channel about some of the worlds heaviest people. It's easy to sit back and shake my head, thinking how could they let themselves get this way?
Then I hear them talk about how eating makes them feel, what the tastes do for them and I realize - that could be me! It could be me because the way they are describing their interaction with food is exactly the same way I feel!
So I have to be careful of that 1000lb person I could become...
Hillerie and I watched some episodes on the Discovery Channel about some of the worlds heaviest people. It's easy to sit back and shake my head, thinking how could they let themselves get this way?
Then I hear them talk about how eating makes them feel, what the tastes do for them and I realize - that could be me! It could be me because the way they are describing their interaction with food is exactly the same way I feel!
So I have to be careful of that 1000lb person I could become...
Weight Update
Ok. Weight update. Last Monday I weighed in at 285. Today I am at 280. No crash diet, no radical anything. Just watching what I eat and working out more.
I like being active, but it is a constant struggle because I like activities that lend themselves to little physical activity.
Before Hillerie and I became an item, I worked out all the time because, honestly, I didn't have a whole lot else to fill my time with. So, what happened when we became serious I was able to focus more of my attention on the relationship and family. Unfortunately, I don't know how to moderate - it's all or nothing - so my workouts not only slowed, they nearly went away altogether. What little I did only served to instigate depression when it wouldn't do anything but give me a false sense of security.
With my metabolism, I can't afford a false sense of anything. It takes constant attention to keep my weight under control.
(will be continued)
I like being active, but it is a constant struggle because I like activities that lend themselves to little physical activity.
Before Hillerie and I became an item, I worked out all the time because, honestly, I didn't have a whole lot else to fill my time with. So, what happened when we became serious I was able to focus more of my attention on the relationship and family. Unfortunately, I don't know how to moderate - it's all or nothing - so my workouts not only slowed, they nearly went away altogether. What little I did only served to instigate depression when it wouldn't do anything but give me a false sense of security.
With my metabolism, I can't afford a false sense of anything. It takes constant attention to keep my weight under control.
(will be continued)
First Post
I figured this was about the only way I would get a first post...
I don't know what I will blog about in general, but I plan on having fun conversations with myself.
I do plan on using this as my posting area during National Novel Writing Month ( http://www.nanowrimo.org/ ) in November. I figure I will go with my memiors cause my life is just so darn interesting!
Anyway, I look forward to receiving comments at some point - so don't be shy!
I don't know what I will blog about in general, but I plan on having fun conversations with myself.
I do plan on using this as my posting area during National Novel Writing Month ( http://www.nanowrimo.org/ ) in November. I figure I will go with my memiors cause my life is just so darn interesting!
Anyway, I look forward to receiving comments at some point - so don't be shy!
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