Well, tomorrow begins the novel writing marathon! I was planning on posting a final poem before I start on the book but I am not up to it tonight.
There has been a long hiatus in my posting and I do apologize. I have been working late getting that rental house done. I finished it tonight!!!
I participated in the costume contest at work today - the first time ever. I was part of a group doing Dodgeball. I was convinced to shave off my goatee. I didn't like the idea, but hey, it's only hair - it will grow back. We did win the competition, so it was worth it.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I Love Not You
I love not you for your comely grace,
For your pleasing eye and face,
Nor for any outward part,
NO, nor for your constant heart -
For these may fail, or turn to ill;
So you and I shall sever.
I keep therefore a sure mans eye,
And love you still and know not why -
So have I the same reason still
To love you forever!
I wrote this in response to my girlfriend's question as to why I loved her. I wasn't able to answer with definate reasons so she got upset.
I was trying to say that any specific reason I give at this moment is only true for this moment. When I love I do so whole-heartedly and without reservation. I love the whole person, not just the labeled aspect.
Therefore when asked why I love (you), my answers will be different from day to day or even hour to hour - if I am able to give a reason at all...
For your pleasing eye and face,
Nor for any outward part,
NO, nor for your constant heart -
For these may fail, or turn to ill;
So you and I shall sever.
I keep therefore a sure mans eye,
And love you still and know not why -
So have I the same reason still
To love you forever!
I wrote this in response to my girlfriend's question as to why I loved her. I wasn't able to answer with definate reasons so she got upset.
I was trying to say that any specific reason I give at this moment is only true for this moment. When I love I do so whole-heartedly and without reservation. I love the whole person, not just the labeled aspect.
Therefore when asked why I love (you), my answers will be different from day to day or even hour to hour - if I am able to give a reason at all...
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Dear Josh
Hey bud, it's been a while since we talked. July of 2002 I believe.
I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I miss you. I am angry with you. It's taken me four years to cry for you.
I don't understand what you were thinking. You were a mechanic, for Christ's sake! You couldn't have been in such a hurry that a few more seconds would have made that much difference at work. It would have made such a huge difference for us.
I felt so ashamed for so long because it took me so long to realize Christina wasn't calling to wish me happy birthday. I was laughing because I was happy to hear from her, and I thought she was laughing, too. When she just made sure it was me and gave me to your mom, I started to realize something wasn't right.
When Shirley told me what happened, I didn't know what to say. I told her I would be there for the funeral, but I didn't cry.
I went outside and worked. I called you names and was mad at you, and knew I shouldn't be. I knew I should be doing something, but I didn't know what. I cursed at you, and I am sorry.
I know we had issues when we were growing up, and I am not sure all of them were resolved in the end. You were more of a brother than nephew, and I guess those things brothers have to go through. I just wish we could have ended on a better note.
I am so sorry for everything. I am sorry for missing your funeral. I drove as hard as I could, but I stopped to sleep for a couple hours. If I hadn't done that, I would have been there. I have never been to your grave. I don't know if I can go. I don't know if I am strong enough. I couldn't even look at the tree we planted for you at Danny's the last time I was there.
I miss you, man.
Love,
Rich
I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I miss you. I am angry with you. It's taken me four years to cry for you.
I don't understand what you were thinking. You were a mechanic, for Christ's sake! You couldn't have been in such a hurry that a few more seconds would have made that much difference at work. It would have made such a huge difference for us.
I felt so ashamed for so long because it took me so long to realize Christina wasn't calling to wish me happy birthday. I was laughing because I was happy to hear from her, and I thought she was laughing, too. When she just made sure it was me and gave me to your mom, I started to realize something wasn't right.
When Shirley told me what happened, I didn't know what to say. I told her I would be there for the funeral, but I didn't cry.
I went outside and worked. I called you names and was mad at you, and knew I shouldn't be. I knew I should be doing something, but I didn't know what. I cursed at you, and I am sorry.
I know we had issues when we were growing up, and I am not sure all of them were resolved in the end. You were more of a brother than nephew, and I guess those things brothers have to go through. I just wish we could have ended on a better note.
I am so sorry for everything. I am sorry for missing your funeral. I drove as hard as I could, but I stopped to sleep for a couple hours. If I hadn't done that, I would have been there. I have never been to your grave. I don't know if I can go. I don't know if I am strong enough. I couldn't even look at the tree we planted for you at Danny's the last time I was there.
I miss you, man.
Love,
Rich
Friday, October 12, 2007
Mind Breaker
The night was dark, lightly misted,
Moist droplets ran across my lips.
Light, cloying fingersran along down my hips.
Etheral darkness surrounded, my senses lifted.
Shapes flitted by, there, here,
Gone when I looked, it was nothing I could see.
It caught my eye, in the distance - there, could it be?
Closer it, or I, came. My breath caught with fear.
Tall, dark hair, black cape.
Cruel nose, red eyes, pale face.
He drifted near, guarded by empty space.
Arms lifted, cape opened, I watched with fear as he changed shape.
Cruel fangs, leather wings, same eyes
Stared into my sould, beat at my face.
Sharp fangs at my neck, tearing and cruel as a spiked mace.
"No, leave me!" I strained to scream line one who dies.
Gone, all gone. Was it really there?
I shuddered cold in the heat.
There - soft fur, like a cat at my feet.
Oh, I long to look. Do I dare?
No chance, for then a hoarish face sprange to sight.
Fetid breat, black eyes, wet nose
The mind recoils from the truth - Death, if he chose.
Saliva drips from an open mouth - resolve builds...how can I fight?
Hairy, clawed hands surround my throat.
Please, oh, please God, let me breath!
The horrid vision fades, the night begins to seethe.
My hands clutch, grab at the coarse fur coat.
Ah, sweet air! Deep breath-Opened eyes.
A shear moan of terror crawls out my mouth.
Monstrosities surround, close from east, north, west, and south.
My brain fills with mind-shattering cries.
Hands, paws, claws, teeth tear away my skin
Hot blood from my veins drive beasts mad.
Cold pain enters a body in tatters clad.
An inistant buzz fills hte sky,
Distant sleet leaves my fody fresh.
Then I see it, the mist that clings to human flesh.
There's no escape from this final nightmare - from my soul comes a silent cry.
Hmm, what was I thinking when I wrote this? I honestly can't remember. When I started typing it I thought it was a different one. As I transcribed it, it did make me think of something, whether it was the impetus for this writing I am not sure.
I could have sworn I dropped the rhyme style by now....
When I was about six years old, I had the same recurring nightmare. It wasn't your normal nightmare because even then, I knew it was just a dream. In the dream I was terrified, but I never woke scared. Here it is:
I am in a house at the end of a dead end street. It doesn't resemble the house I lived in, but I knew it was mine. There is no one else inside, there is one lamp on in the living room. I walk into the living room and see darkness through the windows. I am looking form the rest of my family - it is strange that no one is around at this time of the evening.
I look out the window, and drop to the floor, panicked. There are people moving around outside, coming out of houses open to the night, searching. Except they aren't people, they are vampires. I know they are vampires because they are all in classic vampire dress.
There are a few of them coming toward my house. What do I do? On my hands and knees I look around and crawl behind a chair on the other side of the room.
Just as I get hidden, the front door opens and in walks a number of vampires. I chance a peek around the back and see that they are my brothers and sisters. They begin searching the house for me.
When they get almost to where I am hiding, I jump up and sprint through the open door and run outside.After a while, I run out of breath and start walking, looking for someone to help. I can't find anyone, the only people I see are vampires, and they have all noticed me. I stop walking and look around at all of them looking at me, knowing I was the last person in the world.
Then I wake up.
I don't know how long I dreamed that same dream, nor when I stopped, but I still remember it vividly.
Moist droplets ran across my lips.
Light, cloying fingersran along down my hips.
Etheral darkness surrounded, my senses lifted.
Shapes flitted by, there, here,
Gone when I looked, it was nothing I could see.
It caught my eye, in the distance - there, could it be?
Closer it, or I, came. My breath caught with fear.
Tall, dark hair, black cape.
Cruel nose, red eyes, pale face.
He drifted near, guarded by empty space.
Arms lifted, cape opened, I watched with fear as he changed shape.
Cruel fangs, leather wings, same eyes
Stared into my sould, beat at my face.
Sharp fangs at my neck, tearing and cruel as a spiked mace.
"No, leave me!" I strained to scream line one who dies.
Gone, all gone. Was it really there?
I shuddered cold in the heat.
There - soft fur, like a cat at my feet.
Oh, I long to look. Do I dare?
No chance, for then a hoarish face sprange to sight.
Fetid breat, black eyes, wet nose
The mind recoils from the truth - Death, if he chose.
Saliva drips from an open mouth - resolve builds...how can I fight?
Hairy, clawed hands surround my throat.
Please, oh, please God, let me breath!
The horrid vision fades, the night begins to seethe.
My hands clutch, grab at the coarse fur coat.
Ah, sweet air! Deep breath-Opened eyes.
A shear moan of terror crawls out my mouth.
Monstrosities surround, close from east, north, west, and south.
My brain fills with mind-shattering cries.
Hands, paws, claws, teeth tear away my skin
Hot blood from my veins drive beasts mad.
Cold pain enters a body in tatters clad.
An inistant buzz fills hte sky,
Distant sleet leaves my fody fresh.
Then I see it, the mist that clings to human flesh.
There's no escape from this final nightmare - from my soul comes a silent cry.
Hmm, what was I thinking when I wrote this? I honestly can't remember. When I started typing it I thought it was a different one. As I transcribed it, it did make me think of something, whether it was the impetus for this writing I am not sure.
I could have sworn I dropped the rhyme style by now....
When I was about six years old, I had the same recurring nightmare. It wasn't your normal nightmare because even then, I knew it was just a dream. In the dream I was terrified, but I never woke scared. Here it is:
I am in a house at the end of a dead end street. It doesn't resemble the house I lived in, but I knew it was mine. There is no one else inside, there is one lamp on in the living room. I walk into the living room and see darkness through the windows. I am looking form the rest of my family - it is strange that no one is around at this time of the evening.
I look out the window, and drop to the floor, panicked. There are people moving around outside, coming out of houses open to the night, searching. Except they aren't people, they are vampires. I know they are vampires because they are all in classic vampire dress.
There are a few of them coming toward my house. What do I do? On my hands and knees I look around and crawl behind a chair on the other side of the room.
Just as I get hidden, the front door opens and in walks a number of vampires. I chance a peek around the back and see that they are my brothers and sisters. They begin searching the house for me.
When they get almost to where I am hiding, I jump up and sprint through the open door and run outside.After a while, I run out of breath and start walking, looking for someone to help. I can't find anyone, the only people I see are vampires, and they have all noticed me. I stop walking and look around at all of them looking at me, knowing I was the last person in the world.
Then I wake up.
I don't know how long I dreamed that same dream, nor when I stopped, but I still remember it vividly.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Pride
Thinking, hurting, crying, burning
Inside.
Too strong, proud to show my emotions, churning.
Pride
The love killer; together no more, fears.
Pain,
Alone in my sorrow-tears
Stain
The pillow in the night.
Why?
Liquid eyes blur the sight.
Cry
For my lost love.
Lost
The freedom of the soaring dove.
Cost
Of the loss of affection.
Madness
At the sight of her, perfection.
Sadness
At missing the toss of her hair.
Silken
Strands flying in the wind, so fair.
Hidden
The thinking, hurting, crying, burning
Inside.
Strong, proud now to show emotions, churning.
Pride.
It wasn't long after writing this that I abandonded the rhyme style of poetry - it started to seem (and still does) very forced. Some of the lines in this you can tell where I was straining to find rhymes.
I wrote this sitting in a very comfortable maroon spinning rocking chair in my high school best friends' house right after finding out my girlfriend had spent the last year sleeping with whoever caught her fancy - except me...
As I was typing this in I was thinking about how much of a fool I must have been to talk about the loss of her love, affection, etc when it is obvious to the present me that the past me never had any of those things from her.
Hindsight.
About two years after this, after she moved back to Georgia and returned to Idaho, I started courting her again. She seemed to have changed alot and answered all of my questions (I am assuming) honestly about her cheating. Somewhere along those lines I got involved with my first ex-wife and forgot all about her until running into her in the mall several months later. She was quite excited to see me - until I told her I was getting married. She got this strange closed look, spun on her heels, and walked away. I found out about a week later she moved back (again) to Georgia, and found out a year after that that she was married within a month or two.
I haven't heard from her since that day at the mall in 1993.
Years later, my second ex-wife and I were visiting family in Idaho when I found out that the night before she and I started dating, my high school best friend (and my second ex-wife's brother) had slept with her. Now, this hurt a lot. A lot more than it should have. Not so much that he slept with my girlfriend, because she wasn't at the time, but that he didn't say anything. He knew her intimately the entire time we were dating, and said nothing. That is what hurt the most.
Inside.
Too strong, proud to show my emotions, churning.
Pride
The love killer; together no more, fears.
Pain,
Alone in my sorrow-tears
Stain
The pillow in the night.
Why?
Liquid eyes blur the sight.
Cry
For my lost love.
Lost
The freedom of the soaring dove.
Cost
Of the loss of affection.
Madness
At the sight of her, perfection.
Sadness
At missing the toss of her hair.
Silken
Strands flying in the wind, so fair.
Hidden
The thinking, hurting, crying, burning
Inside.
Strong, proud now to show emotions, churning.
Pride.
It wasn't long after writing this that I abandonded the rhyme style of poetry - it started to seem (and still does) very forced. Some of the lines in this you can tell where I was straining to find rhymes.
I wrote this sitting in a very comfortable maroon spinning rocking chair in my high school best friends' house right after finding out my girlfriend had spent the last year sleeping with whoever caught her fancy - except me...
As I was typing this in I was thinking about how much of a fool I must have been to talk about the loss of her love, affection, etc when it is obvious to the present me that the past me never had any of those things from her.
Hindsight.
About two years after this, after she moved back to Georgia and returned to Idaho, I started courting her again. She seemed to have changed alot and answered all of my questions (I am assuming) honestly about her cheating. Somewhere along those lines I got involved with my first ex-wife and forgot all about her until running into her in the mall several months later. She was quite excited to see me - until I told her I was getting married. She got this strange closed look, spun on her heels, and walked away. I found out about a week later she moved back (again) to Georgia, and found out a year after that that she was married within a month or two.
I haven't heard from her since that day at the mall in 1993.
Years later, my second ex-wife and I were visiting family in Idaho when I found out that the night before she and I started dating, my high school best friend (and my second ex-wife's brother) had slept with her. Now, this hurt a lot. A lot more than it should have. Not so much that he slept with my girlfriend, because she wasn't at the time, but that he didn't say anything. He knew her intimately the entire time we were dating, and said nothing. That is what hurt the most.
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